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Renee Feltes's avatar

At age 82 I realize that practicing self forgiveness, compassion and humor toward myself has made my life more peaceful. Instead of focusing on beating myself up it leaved me open to be grateful for all the beauty in my life. Although I still kick myself in the ass when I forget why I came into this room, only to remember when I’m halfway back to the kitchen.

Signed, Paul’s Mom

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Paul von Zielbauer's avatar

Love you, mom!

Also, "leaved"?

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Renee Feltes's avatar

My mistake, but I forgive myself.

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Marianne's avatar

It took me practicing giving grace to others to realize that I deserved the same from myself.

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Paul von Zielbauer's avatar

Marianne, what a great way to start: give grace to others and in so doing, realize you owe yourself the same. I'm going to remember that the next time I feel a self-criticism coming on.

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Casey Barrett's avatar

Thank you for this. Another terrific post. I've actually been planning / plotting to write about a similar topic, and as you mention at the top -- I've been beating myself up about not getting to it. Ironic, isn't it? Not 'forgiving yourself' for not writing & posting about 'forgiving yourself' on the schedule you expect of yourself!

Reading this was the prompt I needed. I hope my future post on the topic will be as helpful as yours, and offer a unique take with some complimentary insights, as well.

Cheers, and thanks again.

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Paul von Zielbauer's avatar

Casey, I'm glad you found it helpful. And yes, the irony of being too hard on myself for not writing a post about self forgiveness quickly enough is not lost on me! #irony

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Heidi Grant-Starr's avatar

⚡️We’re so good at chasing the external stuff—fitness goals, career wins, financial milestones.

But the real ninja move? Turning inward.Self-care.

Self-forgiveness. Compassion. It’s not soft. It’s not selfish. It’s legit. And yeah—it’s hard. But it’s where the real growth happens.

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Paul von Zielbauer's avatar

Heidi, self forgiveness is not soft, you are so right. And yet it's something that isn't taught and almost never mentioned in our culture.

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Geoffrey Tanner's avatar

Great post! I am a lover of mottos. Two that seem to fit here are:

"It's none of your business what other people think of you"

"Don't believe everything you think"

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Paul von Zielbauer's avatar

Geoffrey, good mottos. Keeping your own counsel is a good habit, sometimes.

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Marcella Friel's avatar

Bravo! Forgiveness isn’t hard because we don’t want to forgive. It’s that we can’t bear the brilliance of who we become when we do. 💡

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Paul von Zielbauer's avatar

Bravo back at you, Marcella.

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Marcella Friel's avatar

It takes courage to be happy, you know. 💪🏼

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Paul von Zielbauer's avatar

I'm not sure I was aware of that. But I am now. Thank you.

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Timothy Bailey's avatar

Do you think those of us in Gen X have an especially hard time with this? Sometimes I’ve wondered if our punk ethos can obscure some of the softer virtues.

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Paul von Zielbauer's avatar

Timothy, good question. I don’t know. If I had to guess, I would say that boomers to Gen Z probably lie sequentially on a plot line from least likely to self-forgive to most likely. Of course, that would be a gross generalization, not a statement about any one person. But it would make a fascinating scientific study, wouldn’t it?

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