In social situations, I notice a simple strategy can be followed. One that is not new or even inventive. I noticed if “ I arrived late, and left early,” I would almost never get any pushback from an attendee at the occasion. The flip side of that which seemed to always invite disaster was “ arriving early and leaving late!” Once a group has started drinking and talking amongst themselves, they really don’t care if you’re drinking or not.
Due to a health issue not necessarily associated with alcohol, I had an epiphany. All my life I helped and cared for others. Now, at 61, I am putting my health first and above everybody else. The people drinking at a party are most likely to not be visiting me if I am hospitalized.
Finally, it was only when I turned 60 did I really start to look forward to see a life that I want to live. Centered to everything I yearn to do is the idea I will not be able to do any of my desires being out of shape and hungover. This decade is the time to strive to accomplish goals that I wish to pursue.
Dreamer, thank you for those drops of wisdom — tactical, practical and philosophical. "The people drinking at a party are most likely to not be visiting me if I am hospitalized" — hard to argue with that one. One's sixties should indeed be a time for radical and radiant creative expansion, into whatever realm one chooses to explore. I salute your determination to not let those years pass, as you say, "out of shape and hungover."
Paul I enjoyed your conversation with Gwendolyn and truly appreciate the non judgemental tone which is so important! Self forgiveness is key for sure. One recent article I did not care for was where you plug into a formula how many drinks you have per day or week and then calculate how many years of your life you lose. Talk about depressing! I didn’t finish reading it, too complicated. I can’t live my life wondering how many years I lost but rather I want to live every moment to the fullest and without shame. While of course slowly becoming wiser and healthier😁
Both my husband and I are on the same journey of less drinking is better. But we do like our drinks! We’ve stopped having drinks in our fridge during the week which is a huge game changer. But occasionally we give our selves permission for a drink during the week but mostly if we go out.
Thank you for the ideas and don’t be so hard on yourself! I do appreciate your posts and your quest for getting healthier as that is where most of us are at in our 50s is so important. I work in healthcare primarily geriatrics and the people who have put more effort into their health earlier in life recover from illnesses much quicker and are more positive, active and resilient.
Its little things that help like instead of two drinks with dinner when we go out I’ll have one. And truthfully we are opting to not drink when we go out as it’s keeps our bill down, eating out these days is very costly!
Funny about your Cheeto story I used to buy them for every camping trip and found instead of reaching for the healthy orange carrot sticks I would reach for the orange Cheetos instead. By the end of camp trip full bag of carrots, empty Cheetos. Solved this issue by not buying Cheetos for camping! Out of sight works:)
Shirl, thank you for your detailed and thoughtful reply, and for listening. Yeah, self-forgiveness is such a big deal…that we never learn is okay to talk about. At least I didn’t. Also, I hear you re not being able to finish my post analyzing the science behind “how many drinks/day = x years off your lifespan.” I went down the proverbial rabbit hole on that because, as you can now tell, it can mean years off my life, potentially, and I don’t want to do that out of ignorance. Even the researcher I spoke with isn’t sure the numbers are correct. So, really, as you said, you try to life mindfully, and to reach for the carrots more than the Cheetos.
loved this topic!! I am 58 and have been thinking about reducing my drinking for years to feel better and for the Health of it. i was told by a functional medicine MD that my Apoe genotype doesn’t process alcohol well. Also my mother had Alzheimer’s that showed in her early 60’s and i noticed she was drinking too much in the evenings. My guess is that drinking could have been a catalyst. my biggest hurdle has been how to navigate my friends and family (heavy) drinking habits - they actually seem to glorify it. I can tell they don’t want to hear any part of my goal to reduce it. At their functions , I tell waiters to secretly bring me soda/lime when i ask for vodka and soda. I also don’t drink at home but have it for guests….I reserve it now for dining out. I make wonderful herbal iced teas to drink in nice glassware. very glad that you’re having the discussion!! thank you.
Kari, I appreciate your openness to the struggle of dealing with family alcohol habits and, it sounds like for you, pressure to conform. That sounds like a heavy burden, honestly. I applaud your creativity and avoiding drinking, but, if I'm not speaking too much out of school here, I would encourage you to consider how you can be honest with your family/friends and ask for their support with something so important to you, to reduce the burden on you of trying to furtively work around their expectations. People in our lives should support the healthy goals we declare. Sometimes that takes a little persuasion and clear messaging re why this matters to you.
Wendy Bounds may have some good thoughts, as she's navigated family rituals around drinking more than I have.
This is great feedback and some excellent solutions/tactics. I also find that reserving it for dining out is a fantastic way to drink less that's pretty easy to adhere to. Appreciate your listening to our conversation.
At age 66 I went with the no alcohol in my house approach and now successful with it 1.5 years in. This after a 1 year attempt at discipline myself to not drink Sunday thru Thursday with moderate success. Flavored seltzer water and butterscotch hard candy very helpful substitutes at tricking my mind. I very much resonate with your discussion on it being part of an arsenal on healthy aging. I have a drink or two when out with friends.
Bill, thanks for sharing that, and it's encouraging to read your story. As you can probably tell, I'm on a similar journey toward drinking less, and less often. It's funny how once you begin talking about it with others and actually find ways to drink less, the desire itself sort of begins to fade. At least that's been my experience. That whiskey on ice that I typically wanted most nights around 9 PM doesn't really appeal to me that much anymore.
100% with you on the flavored seltzer water. For me that's now a signal that I'm shifting from work to downtime. Thanks for listening to our conversation and congrats on your journey so far.
Yes. I believe that’s called “diminishing returns,” right? And at the same time, addiction is a formidable foe. My current “witching hour” is early morning with my cacao and half and half, getting caught up on my Substack posts. We give up one addiction, another crawls in.
When I lived in a Buddhist monastery years ago we had to take precepts against intoxication. It was the hardest one to keep! Our brains are addiction machines, we can get hooked on anything. That’s where that self-forgiveness comes in.
Interesting conversation. If all the alcohol in the world disappeared tomorrow I probably wouldn’t notice, much less care. But as someone who works in the food-and-healing space I wonder if the current “science” about all alcohol = bad is not about the alcohol itself but rather the glyphosate that drenches the grapes, the barley, the hops…. Humans have been drinking alcohol since the beginning of existence—how bad can it be if we’ve made it this far? Same with grains, dairy, and every other demonized ingestible substance. The problem isn’t the foods themselves; it’s the industrialization of production that renders them indigestible.
As for the whole question of drinking less, why not take a 24- hour approach a la 12-step recovery: just abstain for the next 24 hours. That’s all you have to think about. You can make a different decision the next day. Keeps it much simpler. 🤟🏻
Marcella, thanks for this. I have a feeling that when alcohol was a moderate glass of [whatever] — consumed after a healthy meal made from locally raised food, including one's own garden, after a day of physical work in the company of others — drinking was not an issue, in that amount under those circumstances. And yes, drinking less requires, well, drinking less. Nowadays I generally don't have anything but water or tea after dinner on weeknights. And even on weekends, whiskey isn't what it used to be. I think the more my mind thinks about it and wants to stop, the less appealing the whole proposition has become. Which is a good thing.
In social situations, I notice a simple strategy can be followed. One that is not new or even inventive. I noticed if “ I arrived late, and left early,” I would almost never get any pushback from an attendee at the occasion. The flip side of that which seemed to always invite disaster was “ arriving early and leaving late!” Once a group has started drinking and talking amongst themselves, they really don’t care if you’re drinking or not.
Due to a health issue not necessarily associated with alcohol, I had an epiphany. All my life I helped and cared for others. Now, at 61, I am putting my health first and above everybody else. The people drinking at a party are most likely to not be visiting me if I am hospitalized.
Finally, it was only when I turned 60 did I really start to look forward to see a life that I want to live. Centered to everything I yearn to do is the idea I will not be able to do any of my desires being out of shape and hungover. This decade is the time to strive to accomplish goals that I wish to pursue.
Dreamer, thank you for those drops of wisdom — tactical, practical and philosophical. "The people drinking at a party are most likely to not be visiting me if I am hospitalized" — hard to argue with that one. One's sixties should indeed be a time for radical and radiant creative expansion, into whatever realm one chooses to explore. I salute your determination to not let those years pass, as you say, "out of shape and hungover."
Paul I enjoyed your conversation with Gwendolyn and truly appreciate the non judgemental tone which is so important! Self forgiveness is key for sure. One recent article I did not care for was where you plug into a formula how many drinks you have per day or week and then calculate how many years of your life you lose. Talk about depressing! I didn’t finish reading it, too complicated. I can’t live my life wondering how many years I lost but rather I want to live every moment to the fullest and without shame. While of course slowly becoming wiser and healthier😁
Both my husband and I are on the same journey of less drinking is better. But we do like our drinks! We’ve stopped having drinks in our fridge during the week which is a huge game changer. But occasionally we give our selves permission for a drink during the week but mostly if we go out.
Thank you for the ideas and don’t be so hard on yourself! I do appreciate your posts and your quest for getting healthier as that is where most of us are at in our 50s is so important. I work in healthcare primarily geriatrics and the people who have put more effort into their health earlier in life recover from illnesses much quicker and are more positive, active and resilient.
Its little things that help like instead of two drinks with dinner when we go out I’ll have one. And truthfully we are opting to not drink when we go out as it’s keeps our bill down, eating out these days is very costly!
Funny about your Cheeto story I used to buy them for every camping trip and found instead of reaching for the healthy orange carrot sticks I would reach for the orange Cheetos instead. By the end of camp trip full bag of carrots, empty Cheetos. Solved this issue by not buying Cheetos for camping! Out of sight works:)
Thanks again for your wisdoms!
Shirl, thank you for your detailed and thoughtful reply, and for listening. Yeah, self-forgiveness is such a big deal…that we never learn is okay to talk about. At least I didn’t. Also, I hear you re not being able to finish my post analyzing the science behind “how many drinks/day = x years off your lifespan.” I went down the proverbial rabbit hole on that because, as you can now tell, it can mean years off my life, potentially, and I don’t want to do that out of ignorance. Even the researcher I spoke with isn’t sure the numbers are correct. So, really, as you said, you try to life mindfully, and to reach for the carrots more than the Cheetos.
loved this topic!! I am 58 and have been thinking about reducing my drinking for years to feel better and for the Health of it. i was told by a functional medicine MD that my Apoe genotype doesn’t process alcohol well. Also my mother had Alzheimer’s that showed in her early 60’s and i noticed she was drinking too much in the evenings. My guess is that drinking could have been a catalyst. my biggest hurdle has been how to navigate my friends and family (heavy) drinking habits - they actually seem to glorify it. I can tell they don’t want to hear any part of my goal to reduce it. At their functions , I tell waiters to secretly bring me soda/lime when i ask for vodka and soda. I also don’t drink at home but have it for guests….I reserve it now for dining out. I make wonderful herbal iced teas to drink in nice glassware. very glad that you’re having the discussion!! thank you.
Kari, I appreciate your openness to the struggle of dealing with family alcohol habits and, it sounds like for you, pressure to conform. That sounds like a heavy burden, honestly. I applaud your creativity and avoiding drinking, but, if I'm not speaking too much out of school here, I would encourage you to consider how you can be honest with your family/friends and ask for their support with something so important to you, to reduce the burden on you of trying to furtively work around their expectations. People in our lives should support the healthy goals we declare. Sometimes that takes a little persuasion and clear messaging re why this matters to you.
Wendy Bounds may have some good thoughts, as she's navigated family rituals around drinking more than I have.
Keep going!
This is great feedback and some excellent solutions/tactics. I also find that reserving it for dining out is a fantastic way to drink less that's pretty easy to adhere to. Appreciate your listening to our conversation.
At age 66 I went with the no alcohol in my house approach and now successful with it 1.5 years in. This after a 1 year attempt at discipline myself to not drink Sunday thru Thursday with moderate success. Flavored seltzer water and butterscotch hard candy very helpful substitutes at tricking my mind. I very much resonate with your discussion on it being part of an arsenal on healthy aging. I have a drink or two when out with friends.
Bill, thanks for sharing that, and it's encouraging to read your story. As you can probably tell, I'm on a similar journey toward drinking less, and less often. It's funny how once you begin talking about it with others and actually find ways to drink less, the desire itself sort of begins to fade. At least that's been my experience. That whiskey on ice that I typically wanted most nights around 9 PM doesn't really appeal to me that much anymore.
100% with you on the flavored seltzer water. For me that's now a signal that I'm shifting from work to downtime. Thanks for listening to our conversation and congrats on your journey so far.
Yes. I believe that’s called “diminishing returns,” right? And at the same time, addiction is a formidable foe. My current “witching hour” is early morning with my cacao and half and half, getting caught up on my Substack posts. We give up one addiction, another crawls in.
When I lived in a Buddhist monastery years ago we had to take precepts against intoxication. It was the hardest one to keep! Our brains are addiction machines, we can get hooked on anything. That’s where that self-forgiveness comes in.
Thanks for your courage in your disclosure. 💪🏼
Interesting conversation. If all the alcohol in the world disappeared tomorrow I probably wouldn’t notice, much less care. But as someone who works in the food-and-healing space I wonder if the current “science” about all alcohol = bad is not about the alcohol itself but rather the glyphosate that drenches the grapes, the barley, the hops…. Humans have been drinking alcohol since the beginning of existence—how bad can it be if we’ve made it this far? Same with grains, dairy, and every other demonized ingestible substance. The problem isn’t the foods themselves; it’s the industrialization of production that renders them indigestible.
As for the whole question of drinking less, why not take a 24- hour approach a la 12-step recovery: just abstain for the next 24 hours. That’s all you have to think about. You can make a different decision the next day. Keeps it much simpler. 🤟🏻
Marcella, thanks for this. I have a feeling that when alcohol was a moderate glass of [whatever] — consumed after a healthy meal made from locally raised food, including one's own garden, after a day of physical work in the company of others — drinking was not an issue, in that amount under those circumstances. And yes, drinking less requires, well, drinking less. Nowadays I generally don't have anything but water or tea after dinner on weeknights. And even on weekends, whiskey isn't what it used to be. I think the more my mind thinks about it and wants to stop, the less appealing the whole proposition has become. Which is a good thing.